new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
