remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
