In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
