I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
