I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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