Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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