Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
