i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
