when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
