dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
