During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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