Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
