Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
