sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My vagina is officially offended.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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