I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
