When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
false alarm, still single
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
