Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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