he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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