I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
