At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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