the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
