my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
