You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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