I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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