is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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