i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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