i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
