Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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