Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
