Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
