I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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