what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
