Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
