when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
