Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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