how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
