would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
