he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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