she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
