So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
