Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my being single is dangerous.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
