Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
