Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
