omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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