Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
