There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
