my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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