You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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