I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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