Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
