My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
