i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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