Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
