apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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